Humidity
by S-Michael
Summary: Something is different between Timmy and Vicky. Timmy's parents never figure out what, but somehow I don't doubt that you will. [i can't believe this was deleted!]


Author's Rant:

I can't _believe_ that this thing got deleted! That is a total rip! The frickin' admins sent me this letter via their bot (yeah, like _that_ makes me feel like they know what they're doing--sending a machine to inform me that they executed my story!) telling me that my story was deleted because of quote "Not allowed: interactive, chat/script, real person, mst, and etc." unquote. the quotation marks are theirs, by the way, which means, ifI remember English class, that they are either quoting someone else, or their being sarcastic.

I didn't want to repost yet because, well, I still don't really understand what I did wrong, andI don't fancy making the same mistake again, but I had to. It was grating at me, like a wound. Anyway, you be the judge. Here it is, downloaded straight from my computer, nothing changed but the title (some of you might remember that when this story first came up, it was called _Guess_); tell me, is this in any way "interactive?" If there really IS something wrong with it that you readers can see, then please, please, PLEASE tell me soI can fix it before the admins delete me...again. Because I really don't see anything.

Oh, and to whoever thought of the title, sorry for not mentioning you this time. I don't know who you are, you see. That information was lost with the original. Sorry.

* * *

Notes: This story seems longer than it is because of the peculiar way in which it was written (script-like, or play-like, if you will). If you want to know why I did this, there will be a commentary at the end of the story, but for now what you need to know is as follows. The name above the quote is the speaker. The parentheses within the paragraphs or by the names are usually auditory information that cannot be expressed by words of the paragraph alone, i.e. how the words are being said. Entire paragraphs within parentheses are usually visual information. Neither of these rules apply all the time. Whenever the camera cuts to a new scene, the location of the new scene, the assembled cast, and usually what they are doing are listed before things get underway at the new locale. Whenever someone from off screen enters the visibility range of the play, it says "enter whoever-it-is." When they leave, it says "exit whoever-it-is." This means they're entering or exiting the scene itself, not anything in it. For example: (…Assembled cast: none. Timmy's door opens, enter Vicky…) this could mean that Vicky is going into Timmy's room, but only if the "camera" is inside Timmy's room. If we are in the hall outside of Timmy's room, then she is leaving Timmy's room. I doubt that many of you would have been confused. In fact, for most of you, this is probably all just a big waste of time, but still, better safe than sorry, right?

Humidity

S-Michael

(Scene open: Timmy's house. Assembled cast: Timmy, Mom, Dad.)

Dad

"Guess what, Timmy?"

Timmy (hopefully)

"You're going someplace stupid and leaving me with Vicky?"

Mom

"Say, don't you usually say that with more dread?"

Timmy (lamely)

"Um, no."

Mom

"No, as I recall, the last time we left you with Vicky, you said," (switch to Timmy's voice, frightened) "'No, don't leave me with Vicky, I'm begging you! She's evil and she's going to kill me.'"

Dad

"Yeah, you usually make it sound like Vicky is an evil babysitter, or something."

Timmy (mumbling)

"Oh, the irony."

Dad

"What was that?"

Timmy (suggesting lamely)

"Um…I've grown resigned to it?"

Mom & Dad (in unison)

"Works for us!"

Dad

"Now we're off to the Dingleburgs' party."

Timmy

"Isn't that just right next door?"

Dad

"That's the beauty of it. I don't have to drive."

Timmy (protesting)

"But, then you could just show up and check on us at any time, without warning."

Mom

"Excellent idea, Timmy! Let's do that!"

Timmy (under his breath)

"Me and my big fat mouth. How do you guys always know what I don't want?"

(The doorbell rings.)

Dad

"That'll be Vicky. Come in!"

(Enter Vicky.)

Vicky (cheerful)

"Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Turner. It's getting time for you to go away and leave us totally unsupervised for hours and hours on end."

Timmy (apologetically)

"They're going to be checking in on us at random points in time. Sorry."

Vicky

"We'll manage anyhow, my little lo…uh, vict…charge? Yeah, let's go with that." (To Mom & Dad) "Hey, can we have some money for lobster?"

Dad (being his usual self)

"I see nothing unusual or unreasonable with that request." (Gives Vicky giant wad of cash.)

Vicky (hugs the money)

"Thanks, Mr. Turner."

(Mom & Dad leave through front door, camera follows them.)

Mom (introspectively)

"Something wasn't quite right about the way those two were acting."

Dad (being his usual self)

"I didn't notice anything."

Mom (shrugs it off)

"You're probably right."

(Mom and Dad arrive at Dingleburgs' house, ring doorbell. Door opens, enter Mr. Dingleburg.)

Mr. Dingleburg

"Hello, Turners. What course did you bring to the party?"

Dad (confused)

"Course?"

Mr. Dingleburg

"Yeah, everyone brought an appetizer or something."

Dad (light bulb flashes over his head)

"We brought lobster. But first, we have to check on our son. Come, honey." (There's just a cloud of dust where the Turners were.)

Mr. Dingleburg

"But…you just got here."

(Timmy's kitchen. Assembled cast: Timmy and Vicky. Timmy is serving; Vicky is sitting at table with candelabra, lights turned off. Mom and Dad kick down door, enter Mom and Dad.)

Dad (stealing the lobster)

"Hey, Timmy! We need this."

Mom

"You'll understand when you're older, Timmy."

Timmy

"Hey! That's our romant-" (Vicky kicks Tinmmy in the shin. Hard.) "I mean, our Roman dinner."

Vicky (improvising)

"Yeah. The Romans ate lots of lobster. And they didn't have electricity back then, so we eat it by candlelight."

Mom

"Wow, you're so smart, Vicky."

Dad

"Yeah, we can't get Timmy to learn anything about the Roaming Empire. You deserve a pay raise!"

(Exit Mom and Dad.)

Timmy

"Wow, I knew my parents were dumb, but _damn!_"

(Dingleburgs' house. Assembled cast: Mom, Dad, Mr. Dingeburg, Mrs. Dingleburg, Anonymous Person #1 & Anonymous Person #2.)

Anonymous Person #1

"Great lobster, Turners!"

Anonymous Person #2

"You shouldn't have!"

Mrs. Dingleburg

"I can taste the love and devotion baked into it." (To Mom) "Did you cook this?" (To Dad) "You are a lucky man."

Mr. Dingleburg

"I remember when _you_ used to cook like this."

Mom

"I didn't cook it. My ten-year-old son made it for his babysitter." (Dad kicks her in the shin.) "Oof. I mean, I did cook it."

Mrs. Dingleburg

"Well, it was delicious. We'd be delighted if you brought something for desert."

Mom

"Um…"

Dad

"Show up the Dingleburgs at their own party? We'd love to! Um…we've got to go check on our son."

(Timmy's house. Assembled cast: Timmy & Vicky. Timmy is wearing maid outfit. They are "frolicking" in livingroom, Vick catches Timmy.)

Timmy (unconvincingly)

"Oh, no, you've got me! What ever are you going to do with me?"

Vicky (seductively)

"First, I'm going to get you out of that stupid outfit-" (enter Mom & Dad) "-and into some nice clothing."

Mom

"What is going on here?"

Timmy

"We were, um, playing tag?"

Dad

"And why are you in a dress?"

Timmy (thinking fast)

"I…um…I lost a bet?"

Dad

"Good enough for me. Timmy, people loved your cooking, and now they want more. Make us something we can give them for dessert."

Timmy

"If I do, do you promise to leave us alone for the rest of the night?"

Dad

"Sure. We'll make all the empty promises you want."

(Timmy, mumbling, walks into the kitchen. Exit Timmy.)

Timmy's Voice (off stage, slightly muffled)

"I wish I had three really tasty pies."

(There is a "poof" sound. Enter Timmy, returning with three pies.)

Timmy

"Here, now please leave us alone."

Dad

"Yay! Now we're off to plagiarize your cooking as our own."

(Exit Mom and Dad.)

Vicky

"How did you do all that in just three seconds?"

Timmy

"Um…the power of determination?"

(Dingleburgs' house. Assembled cast: Mom, Dad, Mr. and Mrs. Dingleburg, Anonymous Person #3.)

Mr. Dingleburg

"These are the best pies I've ever eaten!"

Mrs. Dingleburg

"I _must_ have the recipe!"

Mom

"The recipe is, um…a family secret."

Mrs. Dingleburg

"Come on, be a sport."

Anonymous Person #3

"Yeah, I'd like to put it into my book, _Great American Recipes_."

Mom

"But-"

Anonymous Person #3

"There's money involved."

Dad

"Why didn't you say so? Go ahead and give them the recipe, honey!" (Mom kicks him in the shin.) "Oh, right. I forgot. I mean, let's give them the recipe _after_ we check on our son."

Anonymous Person #3

"Wow, they sure love their kid."

(Outside of Timmy's house. Assembled cast: Mom and Dad. Dad tries the front door, finds it locked.)

Dad

"It's locked. Sometimes Timmy locks the door to his room when he wants privacy."

Mom

"What do we do? Respect his wishes?"

Dad

"No." (Kicks down door. Mom and Dad enter house, they hear the bath running.) "Hey, Timmy, where are you?"

(Sound of running water stops. Enter Vicky. Vicky runs down stairs, clothes sloppily put on, skin damp, and hair wet.)

Mom

"Where's Timmy?"

Vicky

"Up stairs."

Dad

"Say, why is it that your clothes are disheveled and your hair is wet?"

Vicky (improvising)

"…Humidity?"

Dad

"Works for us."

Mom

"We need to see Timmy, quickly."

Vicky

(Sighs.) "I'll get him."

(Exit Vick. One minute later, enter Vicky and Timmy. Timmy's clothes, hair, and skin are in a similar state as is Vicky's.)

Dad (seeing this)

"Oh my God…the humidity got you, too!"

Timmy (confused)

"Humidity?" (Realization hits) "Oh, right, humidity. Sure, let's go with that. Vicky and I weren't up stairs taking a bath together, after all. That would be ridiculous." (Nervous laughter.)

Mom

"Quick, I need the recipe for those pies."

Timmy

"Fine, fine, just go away after this, okay?"

(Timmy walks into the kitchen, exit Timmy.)

Timmy's voice (off stage)

"Alright, Cosmo, I wish I had the recipe of those pies you gave me."

(Enter Timmy, holding a small notebook)

Timmy

"Alright, get a pencil and paper and write this down." (All three of the others get pens and paper.) "Um, why are you doing this, Vicky?"

Vicky

"What? I want the recipe, too."

Timmy

"Why?"

Vicky

"Oh, yeah; that's what I have you for, isn't it?" (Tosses aside pen and paper.

Timmy (flips up the cover)

"Anyway, this is the recipe for Cos…I mean, Timmy Turner's Magic Pies." (Realizes that this isn't going to be good news.) "Three golden apples, the horn of a unicorn, two tablespoons of Angel Dust…" (pauses) "…God, I hope he's talking about a magical substance here."

Mom (thinking that he's making fun of them)

"That's it! If you aren't going to tell us the _real_ recipe, you can go to your room."

Timmy (to himself)

"I've got to think of something to say that will make them go away." (Light bulb flashes above his head.) "Mom, Dad? Where do babies come from?"

Dad (nervously)

"Um…love ya, gotta go, bye!" Mom and Dad disappear in a cloud of dust. Exit Mom and Dad.

Dad's voice (from off stage, seeming distant, to Vicky)

"Make sure he doesn't leave his room for the rest of the night."

Vicky (slyly)

"I think I can think of something that will keep him there." (to Timmy) " 'Where do babies come from?' eh?"

Timmy (shrugs)

"Hey, it worked."

Vicky

"But you do know where babies come from, right?"

Timmy

"Um, duh."

Vicky

"Good. Let's go practice."

(Dingleburg's house. Assembled cast: Mom, Dad, Mr. Dingleburg, Mrs. Dingleburg, Anonymous Person #1, Anonymous Person #3)

Anonymous Person #1 (leaving)

"Great Party, Dingleburg. Great Cooking, Turner."

(Exit Anonymous Person #1)

Anonymous Person #3

"Too bad you wouldn't give me the recipe."

Mom

"Family secret, you know how it is."

Anonymous Person #3

"Well, good bye."

(Exit Anonymous Person #3)

Dad

"We'd better leave, too."

Mr. Dingleburg

"Are you sure you don't want to stay a while?"

Dad

"It's not that we secretly hate you and can't stand the thought of being alone with you in the same room, but…" (Trying to think of a way to finish that sentence.)

Mom (coming to his rescue)

"We've got to get back home to our son. He probably misses us."

Mr. Dingleburg

"Well, until next time, Turn-" (The Turners are already gone.)

(Hall outside Timmy's room. Assembled cast: none. Timmy's door opens, enter Vicky. Vicky's clothes are disheveled, and she's sweating.)

Vicky (leaning against the door)

(Sigh.)

Dad (off stage)

"Hi, Vicky." (Enter Mom and Dad)

Vicky (startled)

"Aah!" (Calms down) "I mean, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Turner. I was just, um, tucking Timmy in."

Mom

"You certainly are sweating, panting, and your hair is mussy. Timmy must have been a handful."

Vicky

"In a manner of speaking."

Dad

"I hope he wasn't too much trouble."

Vicky

"No, he was good. In fact," (smiles at inside joke) "he did everything I told him to do. It was my pleasure, really." (Vicky, whistling, walks away. Exit Vicky.)

Dad

"What a great babysitter."

Mom

"Oh, yeah. Worth every valuable she just walked out of the house with."

(Fade out. The End. Scene close. Cue credits.)

_Written by_

S-Michael

_Animated by_

You, the reader, inside of your head

_Directed by_

You, again

_Music by_

No one

If you have any complaints about this product, please contact the director. If you are not fully satisfied with this product, you may return any unused portions of this film for a full refund, but only if you are a U.S. citizen eighteen or over.

(End credits.)

Author's Commentary (As If You Care)

The reason I wrote this story was because I wanted to make a Timmy/Vicky romance without having to explain how such a thing was even possible, let alone how it would come about. I could if I wanted to, others have done it, but that would ruin the feel of this story. The reason I wrote it as a script was so that I wouldn't be tempted to get introspective. That would also have ruined the feel of this story. I don't know if you've noticed this about my works (if you've even read anything else that I've written, that is), but they tend to get really introspective. Heck, even _Captivated_ was pretty introspective, and half of that story was just one big sex scene! Anyway, the point is, I didn't want that for this story. I wanted this story to be fun, light, funny, and cute. I guess that's it for the commentary. Kinda short, I know, but then again, I didn't make any references or allusions to any other work either canon or fan fiction, so I guess it would be. Anyway, this is my first contribution to the frightfully small pocket of works dedicated to the Timmy/Vicky romantic relationship. I hope you enjoyed it.


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